Graham was a man of a sunny disposition, at least when we met in the Aveyron that was his way. We had great discussions about Brexit and the North(of Ireland) and historical events and I truly believe we enjoyed them.
So , Graham , I will miss you so much and hope you are at peace

Inge Clissmann

“The life we are to have is one we only glimpse now and again as we struggle free (usually only to a degree and for a short time) from a de facto position to one that hints of a mutual indwelling. Our present life is one where we begin to learn what it is to be limited, to be isolated and to yearn to be bound to others. This life is to be seen as being transformed by another seeping in… ”

A passage highlighted by Graham in “Finding our Father” by Diogenes Allen, a book he lent me years ago which had a great impact on me. Thank you for the warmth of our long talks, for those flickers of indwelling, for your unique combination of eagerness and poise, for your love of laughter, your kindly stoop and your molten eyes. We shall remember you well.

Anne-Marie Stott

Graham I will never forget you for being such a great friend but also for your knowledge, humanity and generosity.
You helped me to find peace in one of the most difficult moments of my life and always the generous friend ready to help.
Goodbye my friend. you will always be close to my heart.
Rest in peace
-Clara

Clara Emery

What a privilege to have known you! I’m going to miss you so much.

Monica Miniati

Graham was chaplain for the whole time that I was at Exeter College. He prepared me for confirmation and was a trusted confidante to many. He attended and officiated at my wedding and I am sure he did this for many others. Aside from his pastoral role, many will remember his politically incorrect sherry and delicious biscuits served with undrinkably weak tea – one leaf or two ? . Rest in Peace , Graham

Nick Avery

We can’t count the pleasure we have had from our friendship with Graham and Jorge since they welcomed us to their commune in Aveyron in the early 2000s. Despite the profound loss we all feel at Graham’s death, it’s impossible not to think of him with an inner smile. He was serious and playful, authoritative and questioning, learned and curious, lofty and funny, conservative and liberal, cultured and democratic, English and international, academic and lucid, private and open, eloquent and attentive, solitary and gregarious, institutional and sceptical, passionate and stoical, believing and humane, wise and humble. In Graham, these did not appear as contradictions, but as marks of a true breadth of character, always finely complemented by Jorge’s inimitable qualities of energy and enthusiasm. Graham was a rare example in life and he was better prepared for death than most people. We will miss him and we won’t forget him.

Peter and Deborah Jackson

It was wonderful having Graham as a neighbor in Montlaur for so many years. Graham played a great role in the raising of my son Sebastian and was instrumental in his getting into Wellington. Our greatest contribution to Graham was undoubtedly the beagle-share. His greatest contribution to us was his wisdom and kindness. We will miss him terribly as will the people of the village who knew him.

Tudor Parfitt

In the few years of our knowing Graham, he made a huge impression on us – his mischievous sense of humour, acute perception, original take on every subject under the sun, and his ability to keep a supper table hanging on his every wise word. A remarkable man. It was a privilege and delight to spend time in his company. We cherish our still vivid memories of him.

Tom & Coco

I knew Graham when I was an English Fellow at Exeter College. He was wise and witty and good company. I remember him with affection and admiration for his patience and insight. I became sub-rector in 1983, responsible for student welfare, and he was an invaluable source of advice. May he rest in peace.

Paul Hamilton

Graham was a dear friend who was devoted to Jorge, as Jorge was to Graham. Ian and I will miss his insights, excellent knowledge, intellectual challenges and his indomitable spirit. Graham was a beacon of generosity and clarity in a rather opaque and selfish world. We shall miss him enormously and treasure our having known him.

Peter Ullathorne

I met Graham at Rugby School, where I was 2 years ahead of him. I formed the impression of a young man rather troubled, on account of a somewhat unconventional early family life, due to the social and domestic upheavals not uncommon in wartime. Yet he subsequently made his mark sufficiently to attain the prestigious position of Head of School – the more impressive in view of his lack of ability or indeed interest in ball games, both being normally expected in holders of that post. I imagine that his intellectual attainment combined with an air of quiet and approachable authority, both evident in his later life, carried the day.

After Rugby our paths diverged, and we met but occasionally. He was a welcome visitor during my early married life; my 3 children, all toddlers, were seriously impressed by his, from their viewpoint, towering yet willowy figure. We arranged to meet at the occasional discussion of ecclesiastical history, where Graham displayed both his erudition and his sociable nature. His conversation was likely to be fluent, entertaining, and occasionally waspish, not least about the upper hierarchy of the Anglican Church; that readiness to criticise authority comes out in a serious, scholarly, and I suspect deeply personal way in his book “The Cost of Authority”. Later, when my own family life was troubled, Graham provided temporary sanctuary and a calm listening ear. When I subsequently thanked him for his support, he commented that he was just glad not to have made things worse. At first I felt this revealed a surprisingly limited ambition, or self-confidence, for one presumed to be very experienced in a counselling role; now I think it may reveal not just a personal humility but, more importantly, a sobering yet realistic recognition of the fragility of the individual psyche and the limited power of any attempted intervention to help it. The injunction “first, do no harm” comes to mind.

I did not know the detail of Graham’s religious career, nor much of his life with Jorge, stays in France and travels there and beyond; but what were evident throughout were his erudition and his wide, inveterate reading. Our contacts became more frequent when he became ill. In one quite recent one he reminded me that from his earliest years he had always “got” religion, just as others may “get” music or dance; accordingly he approached his impending death with calm and confidence. In that confidence, as we mourn his loss and celebrate his life and what he meant to us, may he rest in peace.

Duncan Nimmo

Graham, you have always been a wonderful, enriching, affectionate and stable presence in my life. You are missed….until we meet again xx

Jordan Lancaster

When moving house recently I came across notes I had taken from Graham’s confirmation classes some 30 years ago.

I remember those Saturday afternoons not just for the notes but for Graham’s warm friendship, humility and humour. Despite the challenges of both distance and time, Graham has faithfully kept in touch and although we met again all too rarely, I have treasured his continuing friendship and encouragement in all things.

God bless

Chris Moore

As Exeter College chaplain, Graham was also my tutor in Theology and Church History. I well remember the regular pleasure / ordeal of reading out that week’s essay to such a formidable (though kindly) critic, who could convey a great deal of intellectual pain with just an elevated eyebrow! Graham’s wisdom and support were especially valued during my Final exams.
I had the privilege of speaking with Graham six weeks before his passing, when I was moved and inspired – not only by his personal bravery, but also how much he was consoled and strengthened by his Christian faith.

Malcolm Sumner

Graham had a kind of gentle coherence that made us feel happy and peaceful. Perhaps this came from his deep faith, a “resting easy” in oneself. It was our great good fortune to spend time in the always excellent company of Graham and Jorge: first in the Aveyron, and then traveling together, the four of us, to Budapest. Three in search of music, inside a concert hall for days on end; and one free to wander the city in serenity. It was a privilege to know him, and it will always be a pleasure and a joy to remember him. These beautiful, ancient words come to mind, called up by gratitude, as we say farewell to Graham: “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding.” We cannot understand the deep mystery of life, but we do understand that we are blessed to have shared some part of it with Graham.

Sally and Flemming Aggergaard

Dear Graham we will miss you very much.

Matt and I really loved our summers in Verrieres with you and Jorge. Your conversation and insight was always exceptional into whatever predicament was at the forefront at the time! Always had a beautiful bit of history or prose, or experience to add depth to the situation. We were so grateful that you were able to be the celebrant at our wedding blessing in France. That summer is such a vivid memory for me, us all in happy times with the sun shining. We disagreed about politics and other issues but always in good humour and you taught me a lot about how to be a decent person. Soft and gentle but also resolute in your opinions. Even up until the end (only about 6 weeks ago) you were able to email me which was just lovely. I know that you were looked after so well in your last days so that gives great comfort. Wishing you peace now.

Love Grace + Matt

I knew Graham when I was an undergraduate at Exeter College, and he also prepared me for confirmation. He was tremendously intellectually stimulating, but equally kind, thoughtful, and pastorally sensitive and supportive. I am really grateful to him.

Bill Flenley

When I think of Graham it is less of his undoubted erudition, more of the fun that he and Jorge gave to my years in the neighbouring village of Martin. A wonderful meal at a hotel to celebrate my birthday, followed by a guided tour, with Graham as guide, round a nearby monastery; a concert at Sylvanes preceded by a merry picnic in the grounds; dinner at their house in Montlaur, a party at mine where Graham mixed easily with a somewhat eclectic bunch of guests, plumbers and builders and farmers. And at all times there was a gleam of enjoyment and amusement hovering behind his calm reflectiveness.

Friendship with Graham and Jorge was one of the great pleasures and privileges of my life in France. I shall remember Graham with huge affection and gratitude for all the good times we shared.

Sharon Colback

He was a truly loyal friend. I remember his thoughtful sermons in Claygate when I was a teenager. My family and I will always be grateful for his enduring love of my parents Adrian and Anne Carey with whom he kept up to their dying day. His faith sustained my mother after my father’s death and despite his illness he continued to reach out to her.

Rosemary de la Bedoyere

I have not met Graham but heard so much about him from Jorge and I was always impressed by his knowledge. May God bless you Graham, and may Jorge find comfort reading all these heart-warming tributes.

Mona Turner

I remember your wonderful “aperos” at your house in Montlaur and the special and unique athmosphere there, food, talking and sincere friendship. All the Montlaur/Aveyron group will miss you so much!

Emanuela

We were introduced to Graham through Jorge and very dear mutual friends from South America. It was always a privilege to dine with him, as others have remarked he was the most erudite man we have ever met. Whatever the topic he always had an original insight and often was able to cite parallels from history. Political discussion was particularly stimulating; he was unashamedly conservative and searingly honest. But he was also intellectually kind and despite his superior knowledge was self deprecating and gentle. We enjoyed his company enormously and miss him. Last autumn with Jorge and Marie-Isabel and Clara organised a wonderful picnic in the grounds of Albany overlooking a sparkling Thames. It was a magical day. We felt very honoured to be included and despite his illness Graham was in good spirits and on good form, and that is the memory that will stay with us forever.

Anne & Robert Clark

We miss you dear friend Graham

Mariagrazia and Patrizio

Although it is 30 years since Graham’s time with us in Farnborough, he remains one of the most significant people in our lives. His intellect, humanity, sense of fun remain with us still. It was a joy to have known him. Our love and best wishes to you Jorge.

Shirley & Alex Henderson

What can we say of this kind, brilliant, talented loving friend of nearly 60 years?. He was a year ahead of John at Worcester College and although John and I were deeply embroiled in Oxford theatricals, we don’t think Graham was.
This all changed when he arrived as assistant curate at Christ Church parish in Esher, where my mother, Mary Henry lived. Once she saw a talent there was no escape for the gifted person and we saw Graham in Murder in the Cathedral, Penny for a Song and as a strong, strong Oberon in Midsummer Night’s dream, in a production that was infused with inspiration from the newly-arrived-on -the – English theatre scene Zefferelli. Graham needed to be strong to play opposite a VERY powerful Titania. He and my mother were close companions in many other non-theatrical parish ventures and were something special. He spoke about her at her funeral with such love and humour and compassion,
you have remained a true friend to the very end, Graham.
We were so lucky to have known you, so glad you had Jorge to care for you through these last hard years.

John and Frances

I met Graham in Esher and we played together in ‘Penny for a Song’ about the threat of Napoleonic invasion produced by my mother and written by John Whiting better known for the Devils. We had a scene where we played croquet which was made more exciting since Graham’s lack of physical co-ordination meant that I never knew where on the grass, it was an outdoor production, he and his ball would end up. He was a lovely man, friendly, generous and intelligent. How sad to lose him so early.

Peter Henry

It was always a pleasure to listen to a simulating sermon delivered in Graham’s compelling voice.

Pat Eperon

Graham was such a kind, sympathetic man with a wonderful memory for people and their circumstances. I shall always remember his kindness to my elderly neighbour with whom he kept in touch for years. His regular Christmas cards and messages were a great source of joy.
Graham will be missed by many who were lucky enough to experience his years of ministry in Farnborough.

Janet Palmer

A few years ago I sent Graham a Father’s Day greeting, (my own father having passed away), and was surprised to discover that it was the first he’d ever received. Since meeting you, Graham, in 1979, life has been that much more marvellous. I remember you unexpectedly stealing through the Fellows’ gate into Exeter College garden in Trinity term 1981, a group of us undergraduates debating and flirting in the sunshine – how you lit us all up as a “perfect picture postcard”. I remember your Thursday lunchtimes – free food for all – you lying full stretch on the floor of your rooms and snoozing during the guest speaker’s talk. I remember your reading of George Herbert’s poems for a special service in chapel. Studying The Book of Job with you and my fellow English undergraduates. Your no-notes sermons before Holy Communion – I thought you were Socrates, Augustine! I remember you saying, “Jonathan, I’ve just been to my first Quaker meeting”, and later, “I have a publisher for my book!” You used to read draft chapters from that book to us, and I remember hearing you clattering it out on a typewriter as I passed beneath your rooms on my way to rugby training. “What an energetic man you are, Jonathan,” you’d say. I thought you were the one with all the energy.
So many memories; who is like you Graham? In all of literature, I can’t think – a Pierre Bezukhov or Konstantin Levin, Prince Myshkin, Shakespeare’s Rosalind, Mr Knightley, George Eliot’s Camden Farebrother in Middlemarch, or maybe a Jesus of Nazareth, after all – Yeshua Ha-Notsri in Bulgakov’s Master & Margarita, or one that answers back to the Grand Inquisitor – I’ll never forget discussing that passage with you. When I met John Fenton in 1996 – he declared to us all at table that you were “such a radical theologian, and yet when Graham reads Cranmer’s Book of Common Prayer aloud, one would think he’d written it”. I remember your excitement at meeting J J Altizer at a Sea of Faith conference – his “dark, male, satanic voice”, as he himself declared – yet not so excited that you didn’t introduce him to me before you asked him those questions about his work. And thank you too for introducing me to your mentor, Diogenes Allen, when he visited Exeter College. I’m sorry I was so tongue-tied in such august company. But then I was often amazed that you considered me worthy of attention. You know that I have had a happy, if unconventional life because of the confidence you gave to this once callow and cripplingly self-conscious young man.
Thank you for the consistently thrilling book recommendations – Pohier, Becker, Murdoch, N P Harvey, Simone Weil, Blake’s ‘Everlasting Gospel’, your beloved Thomas Traherne – and for inspiring my late doctorate on God and the poets. I’m not sure I ever persuaded you of the merits of Gerard Hopkins, of Geoffrey Hill! I’ll forever be trying to catch up with you. But for now, well, thank you for leading me to the Quakers, and not into ordination! Thank you for supporting me in my QPS work – eccentric ministry, as Chris Moody would say – in Berlin in 1994. Your writings will remain precious to me. You are, yes, a pioneer of faith. It’s time for a re-print of God In Our Hands, surely, and that you should be on the syllabus for all theology departments and colleges, and included in the new Quaker Faith & Practice. Though I do remember that rebuke when I asked you if you’d sent a copy of Cost of Authority to the Vatican – “That would be a little presumptuous, Jonathan.” Thank you for phoning me to say you were going on ahead. One of the first things you told me when I was Sacristan to Exeter College chapel, “Jonathan, Cranmer’s prayer book is an essential part of your literary education.” So it proved to be. And at the end, for your funeral, you are still the Grand Inquisitor’s gracious antagonist, listening serenely to his “miracle, mystery and authority”, then cheerfully, courageously going your own pioneering and Galilean way.

Jonathan Wooding

Graham was my tutor during a troubled first year at Exeter College, during which I struggled with my choice of theology as a study subject, eventually abandoning it in favour of English.
This was no reflection on his tutoring abilities, as he always made the subject interesting and drew out the elements that had attracted me to it in the first place.
He was also immensely kind, encouraging, funny and very patient with a struggling first year student and the tutorials were always a pleasure.
I’m delighted to hear what a rich and contented life he went on to enjoy, and how much his warmth and intelligence were valued by all he encountered.

Matthew Lebus

Tantos recuerdos de su especialidad y calidez. Mi primera llegada a Londres, y su especial sopa de queso fria como atención para recibirme, sus deliciosas comidas. Encontrar cada mañana la fruta partida y el tiquete de transporte para salir con mi mamá a recorrer Londres.
Sus esfuerzos por enseñarnos cultura, historia, lo mejor de Inglaterra y Francia.
Su sencillez, su calidez y su familiaridad con todos nosotros, harán que Graham siempre permanezca en nuestros corazones.

Con todo nuestro cariño y afecto, Obi, Olga Lucia y familia Abad

Graham, I admired you!
I will always think and pray for you.
I will continue talking about you,remembering the many wonderful meetings with you and Jorge.
Rest in peace

Maria Isabel

I knew Graham during my time at Exeter College. I also remember his interest in people and his gentle persona. It was great o have enjoyed his company over sherry and cheese footballs – a welcome diversion from the intellectuals and emotional challenges of undergraduate life RIP

Alex Minford

Graham was appointed to St Giles Farnborough partly through my father Derek Couldridge who was Churchwarden at the time. My father had many intellectual conversations with Graham over the years which I know he enjoyed .Graham was well liked not just by the congregation but by the Village as whole. It’s was a great honour to see him at my father’s memorial service even though he was very ill. Rest in peace.

Claire Couldridge

Graham beautifully alloyed intellectual rigour and kindness. I heard him give many sermons at Exeter College and at St Giles in Farnborough where he presided over our wedding. My wife and I had to make the two hour round trip to St Giles once a month to get onto the electoral roll but it was worth it to hear him preach.

I recall many of the things he said over the years, shards of wisdom to treasure and meditate over. In that way he will be with me for many years to come. I am glad that he had so many good friends in his later years including especially Jorge.

Andrew Speirs

We treasure the memory of Graham’s company. He was a great storyteller and a good listener, thoughtful and responsive. He always had something interesting, and often unexpected, to say. Sometimes gently provocative, he deflated pomposity with a delightful smile. He was a steadfast friend, a courageous seeker, and a bright spirit.

Ralph and Margaret

We shall miss Graham horribly. For many years he was a frequent visitor at our home in France. Sunday lunch with Graham and Jorge became something of an institution. Graham always brought with him his trademark grace and seriousness as well as a fine gateau brought from the St Affrique marché. Once when Tudor was away in Zimbabwe writing a book he showed me great kindness. I had hurt my back (tripping over our shared beagle – Mr B -) and he brought me food and kept me cheerful during this difficult period. He was always kind and cheerful and concerned for the welfare of those whose lives he crossed. Yes, we shall miss him horribly.

Olivia and Tudor

I remember Graham from when I attended Exeter College particularly from the study groups he hosted. Many true words recur through these tributes to describe Graham and I’d agree with those – he was kind, thoughtful, incisively intelligent, tolerant, engaging and very positive to be around. For those qualities and many others, you will be much missed and well remembered, Graham.

Nick Parfitt

We were fortunate to be Graham’s neighbors and we will always remember Graham for his kindness, friendship, and willingness to help. Our condolences to George for such an irreparable loss.

Enrique Hernandez

Graham’s dry wit and mischievous humour were a corollary to his unfailing kindness, profound wisdom and enormous generosity of spirit. Graham’s funeral was beautiful and so fitting; simple, unassuming, and yet sublime. (None of us will be able to hear the third part of the Messiah again without thinking of him.) He was a very wise counsellor when needed, a brilliant conversationalist, and a good friend. We will miss him.

Susan and Steve Parker

Some wonderful memories of Graham’s time in Esher, when I was a teenager. An inspirational youth discussion group, set up, opening our eyes to all sorts of ideas and thoughts. I must also mention his majestical Oberon, tall and imposing, taking the micky out of himself in dark glassses and kaftan! Brilliant times, thank you Graham.

Janie McCulloch

My father Bill Patterson was the Rector when Graham came to be curate at Esher. We all loved him; my sisters and I enjoyed seeing how his ears would turn red with embarrassment!
At evensong in St.George’s on Sundays, he brought the Prayer Book and the Authorised Version to life with his wonderful preaching, delivered from the three-decker pulpit.
He was kind to me, and a true and loyal friend to my parents, and latterly to my mother Elisabeth. His letter to me on her death was typically sensitive and thoughtful.
He was discreet about his own life and made no fuss about his own illness. I am glad he was well loved. We shall all miss him. May he rest in peace.

Andrew Patterson

Graham came to Winford the same year as my husband, Richard, myself and our baby son moved in. Within a few months, my husband was diagnosed with malignant melanoma and died within a few months. He was 28 and Graham was 27. Without Graham’s total commitment to helping my husband through his illness, drinking Ribena by his bedside while Richard had a whisky, supporting me and my family through the funeral service – no words to express my gratitude to an amazing man who managed to combine empathy with a wicked sense of humour fuelled by excellent glasses of sherry! He was Potiphar and I was Potiphar’s wife in our local Joseph production. A reluctant actor he went for it on the night to the amazement of the parishioners! We kept in touch over the years with cards and emails. I will never forget you, Rev Graham Shaw , and I am so pleased that you found happiness with Jorge to whom I send my love. Wendy xx

Wendy Talbot